my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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