Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize