Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
