please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
