If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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