also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize