I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
