insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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