Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
