My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
