i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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