I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
