i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
