Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
