hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Less talking, more tequila
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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