my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
