I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
