You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I party with great urgency now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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