You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
