Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
