Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
