This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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