Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
