Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
