dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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