I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
