I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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