he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
