obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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