The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
