guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
