last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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