i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
