In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
