what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
