I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
