Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
