How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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