I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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