I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
