I heard we made out
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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