***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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