we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
