3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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