Cold hands, warm shart.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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