I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
