Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
