Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
