Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
