sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
