Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
