I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
