I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
