my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
