Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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