He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
