I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
