She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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