Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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