Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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