finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
