We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
