my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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