Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
