oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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