Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize