Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize