I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
