my mouth tastes like poor choices
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
