I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
