There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
third nipple confirmed
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
