I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
