Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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