Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
