so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
