How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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