Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize