I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize