I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
