your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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