dude i'm inner monologue high
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
