Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
